The Cliché Love Story
by Hilaire
Summary: In which Eros misses his target and hits Apollo instead. "What do you mean you had a blindfold on when you fired that arrow?" "Uhm, hello? Love is blind?"


Standard disclaimers apply.

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 **The Cliché Love Story**

In which Eros misses his target and hits Apollo instead.  
"What do you mean you had a blindfold on when you fired that arrow?"  
"Uhm, hello? Love is blind?"

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 **Chapter One**

 **Love is Blind (folded)**

"Holy crap why is Aphrodite _wailing_?"

The servants exchanged worried looks as Eros marched down the hallway of his mother's palace. Outside, the sun stood smiling and bright, a jarring contrast to the embarrassing echoes of _bawling_ that Aphrodite was currently doing. If that was Helios up there, Eros could understand why the god of sun would make the morning extra sunny and clear, just to piss off Aphrodite.

"We're not sure what's wrong, my Lord," one of the servant nymphs said as they tailed him. "She's been like this for days now."

Eros stopped in front of the double doors leading to his mother's chambers. "Fine, I'll take over from here – " he said, only to realize that the nymphs were already making a break for it before he could even finish his sentence. Aphrodite wasn't exactly charming when she was having a breakdown.

Not exactly charming on normal days, either, come to think of it.

"Mom?" Eros poked his head inside the room, only to squeak when he saw a porcelain vase flying in his direction. "I mean _Aphrodite_! Damn it, I can't believe you're throwing things at me for calling you _my mother_!"

Another vase flew in his direction, this one much bigger than the first. Eros scurried behind a thick pillar to avoid getting his head cracked open so early in the morning. Sure he was immortal, but whatever. Blood was gross.

"STOP DOING THAT!" he yelled.

"Well stop mocking me and get your ass over here!" Aphrodite yelled back from further inside her chambers.

Eros grumbled but hurried in her direction anyway. "You know some ladies will call me _polite_ ," he said. He stopped his tracks when he got a good look at the mess inside. The furniture was upturned, the curtains were strewn across the floor, and shards of porcelain were scattered around the room.

At the very heart of this chaos, curled up whimsically in her massive bed, was Aphrodite. Her golden hair was spilled around her in a messy cascade, her eyes red and bloodshot from all the crying she must have been doing. Her normally pale face had turned puffy, too, and now a dark shade of crimson. Overall she didn't really look like the goddess of love and beauty at that moment.

 _Like I'm gonna say that out loud,_ Eros thought. He wasn't _that_ suicidal. "Uh. You okay?"

Aphrodite hiccupped before glaring up at him. "Do I look like I'm okay?"

Eros shrugged before righting a fallen chair and lounging on it. "So what happened?"

Fresh tears started falling from Aphrodite's eyes upon his question. "This kingdom in the West is worshipping this huntress bitch instead of me! They've completely neglected my temple in her favor! Worse, they're thinking of putting up a place of worship for her because they're so amazed by her skills! She's not even a goddess! Do you know how insulting that is?"

"Totally," Eros agreed. He had absolutely no idea what his mother was talking about. He didn't give a shit if people worshipped him or not. Actually, all was cool as long as they didn't portray him as a chubby boy because screw them, he was goddamn _sexy_. His wife told him so. "Sooo… you want her to fall in love with a beast or something?" He was always the one who did the dirty work whenever his mother got the crazy urge to make someone's life miserable.

Aphrodite made a face at him. "Ew, bestiality?"

Eros held up his hands defensively. "You said she's a huntress, so I figured finding a beast within her proximity would be easier?" Excuses. Get your head out of the gutter, Eros.

Aphrodite tucked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear, an evil glint in her eyes. "Actually, that's brilliant, Eros. I won't even have to make up a story to cause her downfall. No matter how good a huntress she is, once they find out she fucks the beast she captures, everyone will want to stay away."

Eros shuddered at that. "Now _that_ is a whole new level of gross. I didn't really need the visuals, thank you very much."

"Don't be a prude, Eros. Love is beautiful, and even more so because it comes together with the unpleasant things in life. You of all gods should know that."

Eros gaped at his mother for a few moments. "…I think you just said something profound."

Aphrodite lifted an eyebrow. "I was mostly referring to cum and bodily fluids, but if you say so," she said, the playful, gentle smile on her lips transforming her features into that of the goddess of love and beauty that everyone worshipped her for.

Well, until she opened her mouth again.

"Now get to work. I want that bitch in love with a hideous beast by tomorrow."

 **x - x - x**

Eros muttered under his breath as he wiped the rainwater away from his face. Who knew Aeolus could be so indecisive about wanting to unleash a full-blown storm or not? The sky had been alternating between light drizzle and heavy rain for nearly an hour now, and Eros was starting to get pissed off.

Corinne, the beautiful huntress who had unwittingly earned the jealously of Aphrodite, proved to be as bold as the goddess could be, and perhaps even more. The storm hadn't kept her from pursuing her plans to hunt that evening. If anything, it seemed to have made her more determined to proceed, because everyone was telling her not to go.

Artemis would have been proud.

Eros sighed as he surveyed the area, trying to spot his target. Corinne's stubbornness was actually making his job easier, but at the same time he really could have done away with the storm. He hated getting drenched in the rain, and he was starting to freeze his balls off.

Once more, he cursed the king of winds for his predicament.

Eros shook his head when he found Corinne, and not long after, the territory of the beasts she was hunting. By the looks of it, the beasts had chosen that particular area as shelter from the storm.

 _Sucks to be them,_ he thought, before putting on his blindfold. With careful, practiced movements, he held the bow with his left hand and pulled the bowstring with his right, aiming in the direction of the beasts.

Eros drew in a breath, prepared to release, and –

 _BOOM!_

The loud crack of thunder startled Eros, and he felt his stance waver a little just as he released the bowstring. Cursing Aeolus once more, he hastily pulled off his blindfold to see if he hit his target. He descended from his position in midair, sighing in relief when he realized that he still hit one of the beasts. He stopped a short distance away from the creature, watching it howl in pain.

"That's all right, big guy. The pain is just temporary," he said conversationally, looking over his shoulder behind him. There was still a good ten minutes or so before Corinne would reach them. He turned back to look at the beast, wiping his drenched face when he saw the creature _glaring_ at him.

"Eros you piece of shit."

Eros blinked. What in the world…?

 **x - x - x**

The god of love watched, wide-eyed, as the beast before him transformed into the handsome, golden-haired god of music, healing, poetry, and a bunch of other things Eros didn't have the time or patience to remember. "Uhm. Hi?"

Apollo straightened up before glaring at Eros. "Did you just hit me with one of your stupid arrows?" He glanced down at his bloody chest. "You also ruined my favorite chiton."

Eros huffed at the other deity's tone and narcissism. "Well excuse _me_ for doing my job as the god of love. What were _you_ doing here dressed up as some ugly beast? Aren't you supposed to be back in Olympus? Writing poems or some shit?"

Apollo looked super offended, which pleased Eros. Nobody called his arrows stupid and got away with it. "For the record, those 'poems or some shit' actually go down in history and get remembered by everybody. As for why I'm here – " he looked away, appearing almost embarrassed, "I don't have to explain myself to you."

Eros made a face, remembering his conversation with Aphrodite about bestiality. "Ugh, on a second thought, I don't wanna know what you were doing here dressed up as a beast." He glanced around. "Great, now my actual targets are gone."

It was Apollo's turn to look at him oddly. "You were actually aiming for a _beast_? That's _sick_."

Eros shrugged. "Have you met my mother? Of course it's sick." He nodded to Apollo's still bleeding wound. The damage done by his arrows tended to heal more slowly when it came to immortals, to make sure the spell would actually take effect. "Sorry about that. I was wearing a blindfold so I didn't realize I was hitting another god."

Apollo stared at him. "You mean you had a blindfold on when you fired that arrow?"

Eros looked at the other god like he had gone insane. "Uhm, hello? Love is blind?" Just because Aphrodite wants a maiden to fall in love with a beast doesn't mean I want to decide which beast it will be. I'm fair like that." He grinned at Apollo's incredulous expression.

Apollo wiped a hand over his face. "Look, I really don't care who pissed off Aphrodite this time, but do you mind telling me what's going to happen to me now?" He glanced pointedly at his injured chest. Nope, still not healing.

Eros snapped his fingers. "Right. The arrow that hit you works differently for immortals, so you better stay away from anyone of the opposite sex until that wound heals. Otherwise, you will fall in love with the very first one you see. _Madly_ in love with them, too."

Apollo grimaced at that explanation, then tugged on his chiton. "Shit, that's scary. How long do I have to wait?"

"Twenty minutes max for immortals," Eros said, before motioning for the other to follow him. "Let's get out of here. The mortal maiden I was telling you about will be here any second."

A short while later they decided to settle on one of the thick branches of a nearby tree. Apollo kept poking on his wound, like it would heal any faster if he did. "Sucks I can't heal a wound from your arrow," he grumbled.

"It wouldn't have been fair if you could," Eros pointed out. "And just be thankful it's an arrow for the opposite sex." The two of them shuddered and turned a little green when they realized the implications of the alternate scenario. Thank the Fates that didn't happen.

Apollo cleared his throat. "So anyway. What's Aphrodite's deal? Someone was born prettier than she is again?"

Eros snickered. "Something like that, yeah. A huntress this time. She thinks if the mortal falls in love with the beast, that will put off her worshippers or something." He cocked an eyebrow at Apollo. "And you? The whole beast business?"

Apollo rolled his eyes, looking mildly embarrassed. "I wanted to play a trick on Artemis. I was waiting for her to show up, since this is where she usually hunts."

"That's so dumb. What are you, five?" Eros crossed his arms over his chest thoughtfully. "Although, you know, it's a good thing she hasn't shown up yet – "

 _Because how weird would that be, right?_ Eros wanted to continue, but the words were lost at the sight of the goddess of the hunt, who was swiftly closing the distance between them. _Shit._ "Uhm, Apollo," he said to the god of music, who was too busy fussing over his wound to realize that his twin sister was fast approaching. "No matter what you do, please don't look behind you."

Apollo glanced up from his wound distractedly. "Behind me?" he asked, already turning around to follow Eros' gaze. Great, he was doing _the exact opposite_ of what he had been told _not_ to do. _Fucking hell._

The god of love could only stare in horror as Apollo instinctively glanced in the direction of the goddess, his eyes filling with genuine fondness at the sight of his twin. "Artemis!" he greeted, the smile instantly freezing on his lips when he seemed to realize the implication of what he had done.

Apollo swallowed, quickly lowering his eyes to stare at nothing in particular. "E-Eros…?"

"You're so fucked, dude."

 **to be continued.**

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 **Notes.**

The modern speech pattern is intended, because I don't want to cause myself unnecessary stress and be unable to say what I want to say because I can't say it in an… old fashioned way of saying things lol. I'm actually not sure where I'm going with this, but I've had this idea for a long time now sooo...

I haven't written in ages, so I'm a little rusty. Hopefully I didn't do too badly in my newest attempt!

Feedback is always appreciated. :)

 **Hilaire**


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